February 6: Karl Lagerfeld Calls Adele "Too Fat"
She has a huge voice, a big heart, and an enormous soul. And the only thing he can focus on is this wonderful gal's dress size? Goddamn it, Karl
February 19: Zac Efron Drops Condom at the Premiere of The Lorax
Thank you for accidentally promoting safe sex, but dude, do you really need to be looking for action at the premiere of The mothaf*ckin' Lorax? First of all, this is a kids' movie, and you're distracting from the message—which is to save trees, or something. And second...okay, we're not we're not that mad, 'cause it's always pimp to leave a trail of gold prophylactics in your wake, but still, it's a Dr. Seuss event. Repeat after us: I do not leave black books and rubber.
June 15, September 1, November 25: Chris Brown Continues Acting Like Chris Brown
Chris Brown spent his year making headlines for all the wrong reasons. So much so that it's impossible to list just one dick move for Brown's 2012. His year was more like le Campaign du Douchery. Whether he was caught up in a nightclub brawl with Drake's posse, or getting a neck tattoo that looked a lot like a particular starlet he beat the crap out of in 2009, or twitter-raping a lady comic and GQ contributor, Brown was relentlessly running for the President of the United States of Dickitude. Congrats, dumbass, you won in a landslide. Now rip off your shirt one last time, and drive off a cliff
August 18: Taylor Swift Crashes Kennedy Wedding While Dating a High Schooler
Hard to say who was more of a Mumu here. Is it Victoria Gifford Kennedy, the mother-of-the-bride who didn't want her nephew to bring his girlfriend—who just happened to be Taylor Swift—to her daughter's wedding? Is it Swift, who convinced Conor Kennedy to attend the wedding anyway? Is it Conor, for failing to RSVP at all? Probably all of them rank somewhere on our scale, but we're giving the gold to Conor. We've done some regrettable things to win over a girl, but pissing off an aunt on her daughter's wedding day isn't one of them. And you've gotta learn to RSVP, bro
August 24: Kanye West Throws out Kim Kardashian's Closet
Kim Kardashian may be Ye's "Perfect Bitch," but her style clearly wasn't up to the Vuitton Don's standards when he insisted she throw away every item in her closet for a new, Kanye-approved wardrobe. The whole ordeal made Kim "literally cry" (except, she didn't). Still, we can't help but think that deep in Kanye's psyche, he truly believes that this is how a man is supposed to show a woman how much he loves her... What a Mumu
November 28: Yoko Ono Debuts New Clothing Line
Ono's "Fashion for Men 1969-2012" collection, quite separate from actual men's fashion, was inspired by Ono's original desire in 1969 to create a clothing line that showed off her man John Lennon's sexy bod. Because he would have wanted a mesh cutout shirt, lightbulb bra top, and I-can-see-your-ass-through-them trousers (over the LED jockstrap of course). It's bad enough Yoko broke up the Beatles, but dragging Lennon's name into anything with a "Butt Hoodie" is just a stupid move, even for a lady